Miscarried Hopes

“So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.”  Matthew 18:14

On December 9, Brad and I received the news that we were pregnant again with Baby #3.  I walked around our house all afternoon in stunned silence.  Brad jumped up and down with joy.  He couldn’t stop smiling.  We were startled and delighted as we began planning for our August arrival.  At night we cuddled under the covers discussing names we had liked (but didn’t get to use) from the past two pregnancies, and wondered when we should tell our parents.  We prayed for our littlest Christmas gift, and planned what we needed to get done before his or her arrival.

On the evening of December 18, I began experiencing some spotting, and by the morning of December 19 I knew I was miscarrying.  I had just been reading in What to Expect that our little one was about the size of a blueberry.  Now I found myself staring into the blood, and wondering if my little blueberry was in there somewhere.  I wondered if I had done something wrong, and chastised myself.  My mother had six pregnancies without a single miscarriage.  Had I done something to cause this?

On the other hand, I knew that miscarriage is common.  I found myself opening What to Expect again, this time turning to the section on miscarriage.  Researchers estimate that over 40 percent of conceptions end in miscarriage, and over half of those occur so early that pregnancy is not even suspected yet.  80 percent of miscarriages occur in the first trimester.  When I visited the OB/GYN, he assured me that miscarriage is normal and that it was not my fault.

As we processed our loss, Brad and I found ourselves wondering how to grieve.  On the morning I miscarried, I cried curled up in Brad’s arms.  We called our parents and told them, and I took time to write in my journal while the kids napped.  But then I had to keep moving forward…Naomi and Oliver demanded it.

While I am sad, I have been surprised at the depth of gratitude I have felt through this loss.  It has been so comforting to hold Oliver and Naomi, and I feel so incredibly blessed to have them.  I am even more grateful for the ease of their healthy pregnancies and the speed of their births.

As I look around me, I am reminded that we live in a broken world where loss is, unfortunately, far too common.  But I am also reminded how very blessed I am.  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18-19).  He will comfort those who mourn (Matt. 5:4).  I am so grateful to the Lord who has and who will continue to deliver us.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.”  Psalm 34:18-19

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26 Responses to “Miscarried Hopes”

  1. Jerusha says:

    I’m really sorry. 🙁 Love that Psalm 34 verse…He is near to you.

  2. Sheila says:

    I’m so sorry. I have been there.

  3. Alan says:

    Though every journey is unique, my wife Laurie and I know something of the road you are walking.

  4. Annie says:

    So sorry for your loss Jess.

  5. Kay Oien says:

    Hi Jessica and Brad,

    You may not remember me, but I visited with you a few times when you came toWednesday Night LIVE at The Methodist Church in Lindstrom. Since you had to move away, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed following your family’s journey through facebook and your wonderful blog, The Abundant Wife.

    Your tips on living without a lot of money, reusing, decorating, shopping, etc, are wonderful! I’m sure you are really helping many other young couples out there! I got a kick out of your Drugstore Game, and love seeing Naomi and Oliver grow up. You are a blessing to us all.

    I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. I pray that God will comfort you and get you through this time of sadness. I look forward to more happy stories from Yuba City! Kay Oien

    • Jessica says:

      Of course we remember you, your beautiful artwork, and of course that delightful Valentine’s Day party at your home. 🙂 It’s great to hear that you’re keeping up with us! Thank you for your thoughtful words and prayers.

  6. Becky says:

    Sorry to hear about this. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. Talking about it really helped me. We learned that my mother-in-law and sister-in-law both had miscarriages my husband didn’t even know about. It is more prevalent than we realize. Many couples suffer alone, not having told anyone about the pregnancy and thus not knowing how to tell about the miscarriage.
    I did read the book Heaven is Real recently. The little boy tells his mom he has 2 sisters, the big sister on earth and one in heaven. His mom had never told him of her miscarriage. So I may await meeting the little girl I never knew, or boy #4 someday.
    Thinking and praying for you.

    • Jessica says:

      Thanks for writing Becky. I knew many people already who had miscarriages, but since posting this I know many more. I am glad I talked about it because it has given me a community of support, instead of carrying it alone. I have heard so much about “Heaven in Real” in the past few years, that I think I will have to read it myself this year! Thank you for your kind words. We look forward to seeing you in Maryland soon! 🙂

  7. Stacie says:

    You have expressed so beautifully what so many of us have felt. Blessings to you and yours…

  8. I’m so sorry for your loss, and so thankful for your brave view into your hearts, and for your gratitude along the way. May you find peace and new joys in this journey.

  9. Audra says:

    Dear Jessica,
    I just saw your post title via A Holy Experience and I had to click. We experienced a miscarriage (our third pregnancy) just a few days before yours. I. am. so. sorry. It is such a strange bottle of emotions, isn’t it? Yes, so hard to know how to grieve, wondering if you’re *crazy* to be grieving so deeply, and yet so incredibly grateful for the children you already hold close in your arms and the sheer amazement that they actually made it . . . here, breathing and running around and asking you a million and one questions. 🙂 It’s hard to know how to write about such loss too . . . at least for me. I am praying for you and your family and may the Father who holds your baby hold you close as well.

  10. Carrie says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost two babies and I still grieve even after five children. The best thing anyone ever said to me is that I now I have a baby waiting for me in heaven. God bless you.

  11. Julie Sunne says:

    So sorry you didn’t get to hold your little one in your arms, Jessica! My mom also had 6 pregnancies with no miscarriages while 5 of my precious ones went to be with the Lord before 14 weeks gestation. God did bless me with four beautiful children to enjoy on earth. I wish I would have had the depth of your faith during those dark years. God is good and gracious–I just didn’t realize it then. Praying for the redeeming power of God’s grace to heal your broken heart.
    P.S. A book that helped me process my losses was I’ll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford.

  12. Katie says:

    I am deeply sorry, feeling for you both and praying that God will uphold you as you walk through this. Psalm 121

  13. […] “Grandpa Roy” went to be with the Lord.  His death came fast on the heels of our miscarriage, and the unexpected death of a new friend in ministry (whose funeral was the day before).  The […]

  14. […] are delighted at the prospect of being a family of 5.  As many of you already know, we had a miscarriage this past December.  So when I found out I was pregnant again, I had many mixed feelings that were new to me. I was […]

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