The Abundant Wife

Last Saturday was “one of those days.”  I laugh when I say this because when you have little ones, it often seems like EVERY day is “one of those days.”  Anyhow, the kids were driving me crazy all morning, so I was inspired to create the following list.  Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments section below!

20 Ways to Drive Mom Crazy Before Noon

1. Fill the baby’s crib with toys.  Do this when the baby is sleeping in the crib, or when Mom has finally nursed the baby to sleep.  She’ll LOVE trying to find a place to put the sleeping baby amidst all the toys.

2. Talk incessantly.  Loudly.  Ask lots of questions, even those you already know the answer to.  Beg for movies, walks, car rides, games, toys, play dates, and anything else that comes to mind.  Interrupt adults.  Sing loudly.  Sing louder if they try to talk over you.

3. Hide the toothpaste.  The bottom of the art supply box would be a good spot.  Anywhere she will never think to look.

4. Use all the burp clothes as baby doll blankets.  Then when she needs a burp cloth for the baby, there will be none to be found.

5. Lose Mom’s bathing suit straps.  Two years in a row.  You know how much she’ll LOVE tearing apart the entire house looking for them, and how much she LOVES going strapless when you keep yanking down the front of her swimsuit.

6.  Find the plums in the fridge.  Leave half-eaten fruit all over the house.  Smear gooey hands over any and all surfaces.

7.  Throw toys behind the couch.  Climb behind the couch to get them.  Move the end tables, couch, coffee table, and yank on the curtains.  While you’re at it, remove all the cushions and pillows from the couch.

8.  Empty the bookshelves in every room.  Chew on the books.  Walk on the books.  Tear the pages.  Insist the pages need to be repaired.  Get Scotch tape from Mom’s desk and try to repair them yourself.

9. Climb into bed with Mom early in the morning.  Make annoying sounds, like scratching your fingernails on her pillowcase.  Cry loudly when she sends you back to your own bed.

10. Keep getting up after Mom has put you down for a nap or bedtime.  Use any and all excuses.  (Bathroom, Hot, Cold, Hungry, Thirsty, Hurt, Sad, Need Books, Need Prayers, Can’t Find “Lovey”)

11. Lose your “Lovey” every time you need to go to bed or go anywhere.  Wail and refuse to sleep until it is found.  If possible, lose it more than once a day.  Try to choose a different hiding place every time.  Again, anywhere she will never think to look.

12. Whine. Complain. Pester.  Tattle.  Argue. Pout. Repeat.

13. Never stand more than 2 inches behind Mom.  Then when she turns around, she’ll trip over you every time.  Bonus points if she trips over toys or spills.

14. Get up earlier than Mom.  No matter how early she gets up, you can get up earlier.

15. Throw Mom’s planner in the trash.  Throw Mom’s cellphone in the trash.  Throw your favorite jacket in the trash.  If Mom throws something in the trash, drag it out and play with it.

16. Even though you wear a diaper, pee on your sheets every night.  It’s not as difficult as you might think.

17. Lick everything before putting it back.  Pull clean items out of drawers and cabinets, lick them, then put them back.

18. Talk incessantly in the car.  Loudly.  This works especially well when Mom is lost, trying to read directions, or trying to talk to someone.  Shriek.  Kick the seat in front of you.  Argue with your siblings.  Drop things on the floor of the car and repeatedly ask Mom to pick them up.

19. Refuse to nap.  Refuse to let Mom get a nap.

20. Repeat the above daily, without fail.  Mom will lose her marbles guaranteed!

What strategies do your kids use to make sure you go crazy before noon?