My Funny Kids

"Cow Appreciation Day" at Chick-Fil-A

“Cow Appreciation Day” at Chick-Fil-A

My kids make me laugh out loud!  It’s not unusual to find me sitting down at the keyboard or searching for a piece of paper to jot down their latest hilarity.  Now without further ado, here is some of their humor to brighten your Monday!

Last night we were at the home of a friend for our small group Bible Study. Naomi, holding up a bowl of oyster crackers, asks, “Mommy, can I have some more manna?”

Oliver climbed into bed and gave me a kiss this morning.
Oliver: Mommy, you stink.
Me: My breath stinks?
Oliver: No. Your body stinks.

Naomi (5): What do you call an acorn with a house in its mouth?
Oliver (3): I don’t know.
Naomi: A tractor!
Oliver: Hahaha!
Naomi: What do you call a banana with a fence in its mouth?
Oliver: I don’t know.
Naomi: Coffee!
Oliver: Hahaha!

Naomi: I couldn’t drink all my hot chocolate because I had a smurf.
Me: A smurf?
Naomi: Yeah, you know, those things we were eating.
Me: OH! A s’more!

Naomi: Mommy, would you like some toast?
Me (suspiciously): What’s on it?
Naomi: Peanut butter, cinnamon, and syrup.

Me: Oliver, you know how to dress yourself. Why do you always bring me your clothes?
Oliver: Because I love you, and you are beautiful, and I want to marry you.
Me: Well…I guess that’s a good enough reason.

(Overheard after bedtime) Naomi: “Oliver, you can marry Mommy, but she is older than you, so when you get older she will die. So you have two choices; You can marry me or marry someone else. You can tell me your decision in the morning.”

Brad: If you want me to read more, you need to get ready for bed on time.
Naomi: Well, sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t.
Brad: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Naomi: Daddy, I’m not a Captain. A Captain is a Pirate, and I’m not a Pirate. I’m a LADY.

Your husband may be playing too much Taylor Swift around the house, if you find yourself absentmindedly singing, “The players gonna play, play, play, and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate.” And your 2-year-old finishes the lyric, “Shake it off! Shake it off!”

I guess I have Oliver to thank for the fact that Evelyn calls a butter knife, a “sword.”

Naomi expressed deep concern today for those poor folks who must work all day and all night at the 24-hour grocery store, and never get to go home.

Naomi: Mommy, I found my two baby teeth in your jewelry box! I’m going to put them under my pillow again so I can get more money from the Tooth Fairy!
Me (annoyed that she found them): No, the Tooth Fairy already gave you money for your teeth. She won’t give you any more money until you lose more teeth.
Naomi (gasping): What if I lost FOUR teeth and I didn’t even know it?!

Naomi: Oliver, that’s not a monkey. It’s a chihuahua.
Me: No, that’s not a chihuahua. It’s a lemur.

Naomi: When we get to heaven, do you think God and Jesus will have a lot to show us and tell us?
Me: Yes, I do. What do you want to see?
Naomi: I want to see all the beds.

Oliver: Daddy, I love you.
Brad: I love you, too.
Oliver: If you love me, you will let me marry Mommy.
Brad: I don’t love you that much.

Naomi (5) and Oliver (4) are having a marital dispute as they prepare for a “road trip” in our living room. Oliver is filling the “RV” with more balloons than the old man in “UP.” Naomi is shouting, “Hon, if you put one more balloon in this RV, then I won’t let you come on this trip!” It might be time for professional counseling.  😉

Oliver: Some people like to eat fruit on their cereal.
Me: I know, but we don’t have any fruit right now.
Oliver: But we have fruit SNACKS!

What funny things have your kids said recently?

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